I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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