i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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