I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
They took my balls.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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