Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
foreskin is a definite game changer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we're so committed to being not committed
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
