A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
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I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
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We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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