Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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