because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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