I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
