marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
