I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
well you can't waste a boner
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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