escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
