Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
