party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
babies were throwing up all over the place
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
