it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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