At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
