I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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