Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
