I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
