what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There r osticjed everywhere
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
