Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
