like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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