This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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