So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
