Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
