how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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