I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
