Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
