so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
