I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
