I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
