I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
