:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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