They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
