Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
that's an acceptable place to lick
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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