Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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