i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
