just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
