a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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