I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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