am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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