brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
it's like heaven, but drunker
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
