two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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