Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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