hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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