So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
this hospital has no fireball
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
