I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
