Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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