I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
