if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
