Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We left the knife in your bed.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
