omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
In America we eat man semen.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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