Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
even my farts smell like vagina
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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