I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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