I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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