apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
