We're facebook friends in real life
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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