i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
