He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
