So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
