lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
