Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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