I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
