All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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