I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
