Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
