she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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