So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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